Saturday, January 25, 2014

Self Reflection & Correction

Thank you for stopping by as always, my goal is to empower and transform your life. 

Throughout all my childhood abuse, the toxic relationships with my family, the abusive and/or bad relationships with men, I found my calling and passion. God blessed me with a life full of experiences that many are suffering from today. He not only blessed me, he healed and restored me. I am grateful to God and love Him so. I am nothing without God and I know that if you believe and trust in Him, He will do the same for you. I am a blessed and no longer a wounded woman seeking love, lacking esteem and respect. I am loved by God and myself. 

Abuse tends to have an everlasting effect on victims and survivors, however once you become an adult; it is time to "do" the work. The work is self-reflection. You have to look back and deeply within and be totally honest with yourself about how the childhood abuse affected you. You may be a survivor, but is your heart ready and willing to receive and give love.

In order to stand in your truth and live an authentic life, you have to accept your ugly truth. If you are attracted to chaos and negativity, you have to accept it. If you don’t know what love was, accept it. If you think being slapped in the face or beaten is normal, accept it. If you lack self-esteem and self-love, admit it. If you are insecure, accept it. If you are desperate for a man, accept it. If you are afraid to be alone, accept it. You have to accept these patterns and behaviors because the only way to change is to make yourself aware of the problem. What's more, you have to be accountable for your actions.

As adults we make bad decisions and then we blame others. The moment you blame another for wreaking havoc on you, you deny yourself the opportunity to learn and grow. You have to be accountable for allowing someone to mistreat you. If you are in a domestic violent relationship or just a bad relationship and you have a way out, yet you choose to stay; be accountable. That’s not to say you deserve to be mistreated or abused, but it’s simply to say that you could have made a better decision. We all have choices and when you choose to see your faults, it is then that you will begin to grow. Self-reflection leads to self-correction, but the only way corrections can be made is if you stand in your truth and do the work.

Many of you think you can change a man or woman as I did. Wrong. The only person you need to focus on is yourself. When you begin to focus on changing others you lose your sense of self and with that, it’s impossible to see the patterns and behaviors that live within you. Change can only occur when we accept the fact that there is a problem. How you see and handle any relationship will either stunt or improve your growth. Until you are ready to self-reflect and embrace your ugly truth, I highly suggest the only person you date is yourself. Take some time to date and learn self or you will attract another bad relationship. You are what you attract. Dig deep and see exactly what you can do to make yourself better. Otherwise you will take the same person to the next relationship and you will have no one to blame, but yourself. You are not responsible for other’s action, but you are responsible for yours. Don’t worry about what the last man or woman did, worry about what you did or didn't do. People are who they were before you even crossed their paths. Therefore, their actions and behaviors have nothing to do with you and vice/verse.

Don’t walk away angry. When you walk away angry, you take that same anger to the next relationship and wreak havoc on someone who has nothing to do with your last man or woman. Anger will also block your blessings as an angry heart is incapable of seeing, embracing or accepting a blessing; such as a good man or woman. What’s more, an angry person lacks faith and love. How can you give someone your whole heart when you are angry? Walk away in peace and just know that God has something better for you. Wouldn't you rather walk away and suffer for five or ten months than to live the next five or ten years in pain with someone? That’s a question.

Being insecure is a sure way to run a man or woman away. Insecurities are unfortunate self-doubts either originating from growing up in a dysfunctional household or being betrayed and deceived as an adult. The unfortunate part is the behaviors that surface from these insecurities are projected onto an innocent individual and causes unnecessary pain. More than often these behaviors have nothing to do with the other person, but most will try to blame the other person. If you are questioning everything your man or woman does and they haven’t given you reason, you are insecure and needs to do a self-check.

Lacking self-love is a sure way to end up in a bad or abusive relationship. Why? Because you are confused about what love is and will accept anything. When you truly love yourself, you will not put yourself in harm’s way or allow anyone to mistreat you. Mistakes happen in relationships and sometimes you will get hurt, but you have to know the difference between love and abuse. In the end you have to make a conscious decision to move forward after being knocked down. It won’t happen overnight and it will not be easy. But, you can do it. Don’t look at how hard it is, look forward to meeting the person you will become. Move on with your life and work towards creating a new you. Remove the fear and break out into the person you were meant to be. God knows your beginning and end so now it is for you to self-reflect and discover the real you. 

I am not only a Certified Life Coach, Author and Speaker; I have conquered thirty years of abuse; including incest, rape, sexual, physical, emotional, verbal abuse, and two domestic violence relationships. Today, my vision is to empower you to reach emotional freedom while gaining clarity and discovering your infinite possibilities. 

“What happened; didn't happen to me, it happened FOR me and today my mission is to guide you to design a healthy, meaningful life through knowledge, consciousness, self-reflection, accountability, self-love and forgiveness.”

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