Monday, January 23, 2017

Hiding Our True Pain

Thank you for stopping by as always my goal is to inspire and transform your life. 

I am writing this letter to express my deepest admiration, gratitude, and respect for you. You are the most courageous group of people I have ever met, and I am so lucky to have the opportunity to get to know you, sit with you and experience your journeys.

I think a lot of the work we do together, and I keep coming back to a word called "resistance" or "avoidance." I know, you are probably wondering what exactly do I mean, well, what I mean is, when most people tell their stories in everyday dialogue, we frequently put glitter on them. We say, “I had an ectopic pregnancy, and it was awful, but now I have two wonderful daughters.” We say, “I lost my apartment, and it was devastating, but my apartment today is so much bigger and better.” We say, “I was in an abusive relationship, but it’s over, and I learned so much from it.”

We usually don’t talk about the raw stuff in the middle. We don’t say, “After my ectopic pregnancy, I spent hours crying and blaming myself." And wondering what I could have done differently. In fact, that is what I did after my ectopic pregnancy, I wanted my child, and that experience hurt me for years as directly after it, I could no longer bear children the natural way. We don’t say, “When I lost my apartment, I felt worthless, embarrassed, was depressed and didn't want anyone to know." We don't say, “I didn't leave him because I was scared to be alone, felt like I would never have anyone else, so instead I ignored all the abuse and pretended as if it wasn't that bad."

Why don’t we tell these stories?

Well, for one, we’re worried about what others might think of us. In my books, Perfectly Planned and Overcoming Toxic Relationships, I was very transparent and vulnerable as I wanted to inspire others to remove the shame and embarrassment of experiencing pain. Pain is life. I shared my depression, my low self-worth and didn't care about what people thought. I know sometimes people become uncomfortable when hearing of others suffering, but, mainly because it shifts them to their painful experience that they would rather leave buried.

We also think these versions of our stories make us sound weak. We believe that if we admit our tough emotional times, others will not see us as the beautiful beings we are. We fear being perceived as weak, dramatic and "in our feelings," instead of being active and capable of conquering and releasing those things that no longer serve us a purpose. In reality, everybody goes through rough times and everyone deals with them differently.

It is okay to share the middle of your story where you felt your lowest. It is those moments that people can relate to and inspires others to know that they can move through. You don't have to pretend your life is perfect. No one has a perfect life.

So, to you my clients, when I meet you, or you show up in my email, inbox, or voicemail, you are welcome to give me your truth. You do not have to wear a mask with me. In fact, I expect you to come unmasked and ready to release.

I understand it's hard and some days you want to just lie on the floor or sit in the chair and cry your eyeballs out, I know. I have done exactly that before. Some days you come in, and you look like you want to lie down flat on the floor, and sometimes you hold your tear in and pretend to have it together. You don't have to with me. All I want you to do is explore all of your emotions, release those that no longer serve you a purpose and grow from the experience. Help me help you find your true self. 


Thank you for reading. Please post your comments below. Share if you have enjoyed. 


I am not only a Certified Life Coach, Author and Speaker; I have conquered thirty years of abuse; including incest, rape, sexual, physical, emotional, verbal abuse, and two domestic violence relationships. Today, my vision is to empower you to reach emotional freedom while gaining clarity and discovering your infinite possibilities.

“What happened; didn't happen to me, it happened FOR me and today my mission is to guide you to design a healthy, meaningful life through knowledge, consciousness, self-reflection, accountability, self-love and forgiveness.”

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