Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Survivors of Abuse & Attention Seeking

Many times when adults "survive" abuse, and without therapy or intervention, he/she doesn't realize the patterns and behaviors they develop and grow with.

Subconsciously we seek love and attention in all the wrong directions and with all the wrong behaviors. I know for me after being sexually abused and abandoned by my mother, I felt worthless, unloved, lost and betrayed. I wanted someone to love me, show me some attention or make me feel wanted. I had no idea of the behaviors I 

One of the behaviors I developed was seeking attention and in a way that was unstable. I dressed very distasteful and non lady like. I wore clothing that partially exposed my ass or my nipples would be seen through a sheer bra and shirt. 

I can say honestly say this was a case of desperation and low self esteem. I was seeking what I was taught and what I lacked; sex and love as well as approval. This behavior is somewhat overlooked because women and men like to look good and with that we connect looking good with fitted or revealing clothing. It's unfortunate some don't realize when dressing sexy or looking good, dressing revealing or provocative has nothing to do with being sexy. It brings brings unwanted attention and disrespect, bad perception, judgement and potential violation. This is not to say in any way, shape, fashion or form that the way one dresses warrants being violated and please DO NOT misunderstand me.

I am simply stating that there is a possibility that you may be seeking attention and using your body as bait. This also applies to men. We see men in fitted shirts all the time and SOME use their bodies to bait women in, therefore seeking attention.

My question would be, why? Why does one feel the need to use their body to gain the attention of anyone. Is your body all your worth? Are the clothing you wear your worth? Have you been reduced to a body, flesh, skin, sex or are you a precious being with lots to offer a man or a woman? 

You have reduced yourself to skin and sex. This is what happens after abuse, this is all you know; sex, sex and more sex. You have been reduced to feeling worthless and unloved; this is also what happens after abuse. Make the connection. Your value and worth was diminished the moment your innocence was stolen. Your truth and normal way of life was stolen. Your sense of reality, trust and faith were demolished before being developed. 

However, seeking attention will not bring reality, trust, love or faith in your life no more than the abuse did.

So the solution to this challenge is to make the CONNECTION. Here are some of the steps in making the connection. 
  • Seek Help- God, therapy, coaching, meditation, prayer. Your life will change for the better. 
  • Break The Silence- Silence equals suffering; start talking, journal or simply GET IT OUT.
  • Self Reflection- Doing time in the mirror and see the abnormalities or instabilities about self. 
  • Acceptance- Accept the abnormalities as challenges that desire a solution. Don't beat yourself up and don't be mad at yourself. 
  • Change- Change the way you dress.
Once we realize where these behaviors originate, it is then that we can overcome the challenges. I really don't believe you actually like being disrespected based on the way you dress nor do I believe you like exposing your beautiful treasures. Yes, we take great pride in our lovely physiques and we sometimes flaunt it, however make certain that when you decide to wear revealing or tight clothing, you are aware of the bad attention that might approach you and be prepared.  

In essence, being abused as a child can be devastating to the psyche and with that we have to redefine ourselves as adults. If that means changing the way you dress, then do so, if that means changing your hair, then do so, whatever changes need to be made, I would encourage you to do so. This not only redefines who are, it also removes you from the victim and to the victor. 

Men you are worth more than your pecs and penis. 
Ladies you are worth more than your titties and a**.

If you require additional information, products, services or coaching, please visit, my website. 

I am not only a Certified Life Coach, Author and Speaker; I have conquered thirty years of abuse; including incest, rape, sexual, physical, emotional, verbal abuse, and two domestic violence relationships. Today, my vision is to empower you to reach emotional freedom while gaining clarity and discovering your infinite possibilities. 

“What happened; didn't happen to me, it happened FOR me and today my mission is to guide you to design a healthy, meaningful life through knowledge, consciousness, self-reflection, accountability, self-love and forgiveness.”

773.419.3070 Contact me for more details.

Healing the Mind, Body & Soul

Thank you reading; please subscribe and/or follow.