Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Psychological Effects On A Son Who Witnessed His Mother's Abuse

From what I have researched, I am almost certain that when a father allows his mother to abuse HIS child, he was abused by her as well. Not only that, he must have grown up watching her as a victim of abuse and didn't have a way to PROTECT HER. So now as an adult he protects her at all cost even when SHE is DEAD wrong. 

As a matter of fact, mother can do no wrong. Mothers as such are incapable of living alone and her mentality is impaired because she is a broken soul since she refuses to forgive her abusers. She has a sick sense of responsibility to the adult son because she knows she has manipulated him all of his life. She views him as her husband, property and a little boy. She doesn’t believe he can think for himself, she has no faith in him since she didn’t instill any from the beginning. She wants to keep his love for herself. You see, the mother lacks confidence in being alone and she “THINKS” she needs a man. She was probably abused and degraded as a child, teen or woman and more than likely made to feel unworthy and have probably had several failed relationships. It’s unfortunate that her son will become the man that will never leave. He will give her the love and respect she yearned for from a man for many years. She will make sure no one gains more attention than she does. She will make sure, she is always first. 

The son is currently mentally fractured due to the abuse he watched her suffer from when he was a child. He's still a little boy in mind and is still mentally the same age he was at the start of HER abuse. What's more, her son has a double negative impact on his psyche now because she does to him what was done to her. However, he protects her, but she is his demise and he is unaware. He only knows how to love his mother and his ability to trust or love any other woman is damaged and shattered. This is what was taught out of HER fear of being alone. Psychological abuse at its worse.   

With that, if he’s unhappy with the man she dates, she might dismiss him at her son’s request. However, his mom will allow the boyfriend back and her son will view that as betrayal. He will feel the pain from this and will confront her for reasons. He will attempt to get rid of the boyfriend by making his life a living hell all while they live in the same house together. It’s normal for her adult son to live in the same house since neither of them holds the confidence, self-esteem or self-sufficiency to live alone. 

This goes beyond the “Mamma’s Boy Syndrome.” This is a sick and twisted relationship where both parties have been psychologically abused to the point of no return to sanity. The son will never commit to one woman. He will almost always be a womanizer since he really doesn’t see the value of a woman. He doesn’t know his role as a man and he firmly believes he is a good man. No woman will ever be better than his mother and to stand up to his mother is grounds for dismissal even if she is wrong. Not only that, his mother will abuse his children the same way she did him and he will either protect or make excuses for her.  Now it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that a man who loves his children will never allow ANYONE to cause them harm. This relationship is way beyond the “Mamma’s Boy” because he has no compassion, emotional concerns or empathy for his children. He has an emotional disconnect and is completely mentally unstable. 

This cycle of abusive manipulations will continue, however the only difference is, all grand-kids born into this family will be forced to accept the abuse or ultimately be removed and prohibited from being around both parties, father and grandmother. The most important thing for the other parent to do is to discover and recognize the abuse and remove the children. This might be difficult because we know children love their parents unconditionally. So with that, the odds have to be weighed. 

Either allow the child to continue to be abused and grow up dysfunctional and abusive or remove the child and enforce supervised visits. It is unfortunate that neither party realizes the damage that they are causing to others. They actually think their behaviors are normal and properly enforced. They are a team who wreaks havoc on children, women and whoever else that may appear to challenge or separate them. Eventually these people will turn your child against you. Your child will become a deceitful, manipulative, liar as they as are and will no longer trust you.

These are some of the effects on a child when he/she witnesses his/her mother being abused.
  • Emotional Problems: Poor self esteem, crying, anxiety and sadness, insecurity, confusion, anger (which can be directed toward either parent or other children, etc), depression, difficulty forming relationships, inappropriate relationships, (i.e. Dating someone under age) or troubled relationships, lack of empathy, suicidal behavior, nightmares, fears and phobias. 
  • Behavioral Problems: Aggression, becoming troublesome at home or at school, withdrawing into or isolating themselves, regressive behavior (such as baby-talk, wanting bottles etc), lower academic achievements, poor development of basic skills and alcohol or drug abuse.
  • Physical Problems: Bed-wetting, nervous ticks, headaches or stomach aches, nausea or vomiting, eating disorders, insomnia.

In essence, growing up in such an environment is terrifying and severely affects a child's psychological and social development. The consequences of emotional child abuse can be serious and long-term. Male children may learn to model violent behaviors and female children may learn that being abused is a normal part of relationships.

As teenagers they find it difficult to trust, participate in and achieve happiness in relationships and resolve the complex feelings left over from their childhood. As adults, they may have trouble recognizing and appreciating the needs and feelings of their own children and emotionally abuse them as well.

If you are aware of your child being abused by the other parent/grandparent or anyone else, it is your responsibility to contact your local authorities and/or DCFS and report the incident. To allow these incidents to occur is against the law and you can be charged with a Misdemeanor or Felony depending on the severity of the abuse. I urge you to get involved in protecting your children.

Abuse is at an all time high and unfortunately Psychological Abuse is ignored and gone unrecognized until your child becomes an adult and then you as the parent begins to question, “Where did I go wrong?” “What happened to my child?” “Who are you”?


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Perfectly Planned 
The Great Men in My Life....

My Handsome Son Shemar

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