Sunday, April 15, 2012

Menage a Trois & Relationships

Have you ever experienced one? I have? Years ago and is not interested in engaging in that sexual activity again. Thank God, neither is my current man. At any rate, one who is on a relationship with should never entertain bringing another partner home to indulge in your partner. I know there are swingers out here who wold disagree but we all have our opinion so allow me to state mine.

I can understand if one doesn't love their other half or is not in a committed relationship, then sure that is totally up to you. However, if feelings are involved you are simply setting yourself up for emotional failure. There are several reasons why this type of behavior will lead to a disastrous relationship ending in failure. Before I go into a few of the reasons, I will discuss my Menage a Trois.

Seeing as though I was forced to be with girls at 8, eventually I started to seek out those pleasures on my own. As an adult I actually initiated the act with my boyfriend at the time. Was I in for a world of trouble, honestly it wasn't too bad, but the act of watching your man, enjoy or get off on another woman is not pleasing at all. It almost ripped a whole through my heart. The cool part about it was, he was so excited he couldn't remain erected. Also, on the flip slip, he was upset about me enjoying her too much. I guess we both enjoyed the fifteen minutes, however, we were both bothered by it and he became upset and left. At any rate, we may have enjoyed it, but it didn't turn out right. I began to cheat on him with this woman and of course he was cheating prior to, during and after this night. That relationship went no where, and thank God it didn't. We dated 7 years afterward but never did that again.

My point for sharing my story is, I have been there and speaking for many, it causes many problems and doesn't end right. That's not to say all relationships will begin to fail or fail, but if you decide to go this route, please be prepared if it doesn't work out and if it does, kudos to you and yours.

Just a few of the reasons to stay away from Menage a Trois.
  • Cheating is Approved- If he/she will engage in sexual activities in your presence, then you better believe he/she will engage behind your back. He/She is basically cheating with your approval. Also, men do not think, that if you allow her to have sex with another woman in your presence, believe me, she's going to do it when you are not around. It's not too likely that a Man will allow his woman to have him and another man, but if this is the case, then know it's happening behind your back. I mean, in the end you are approving this behavior.
  • Secret Affair-What happens if your man/woman feels that the other individual is better than you are. You have just opened a can of worms. For men, if the other woman allows it, he and her will possibly begin a secret affair behind your back. More than likely if the other woman approved of sleeping with your man, with you, she will more than likely sleep with him without you. Don't be fooled by that, she's my friend, and she wouldn't go behind my back. You will be surprised what some good D or Va j j, will do to a person. Seriously. 
  • Develop Insecurities- Prior to your party, were you questioning his/her every move? Were you screening phone calls? Were you asking him/her did you enjoy them more. Well then, if you were not, you have just caused yourself some insecurities about your man/woman. Guess what, you have no one to be upset at but yourself. I know you were just trying something out, but this is truly not the game to play. If you can't stand the heat, then you know what's next, get out the kitchen.
  • Partner Might Just Leave You For Her, Vice/Versa- Yes this has happened, you bring another individual in your bedroom and months later, you have been left, for that person. Yes, this happens too often and I'm familiar with stories as such. But here is the thing. Be glad the relationship ended, because guess what, it wasn't going anywhere anyway. I can't imagine there being real love behind this type of relationship.
  • Loss of Trust- This goes hand-in hand with insecurities. You no longer believe he/she is faithful. Common statements are, "If you did it with me, how do I know you won't cheat." "You want her now." Hmmm, You are probably right. It becomes difficult to trust your partner after this. Not for all, but for many, your mind starts to wonder. Once you lose trust, the relationship ends, originating from a Menage a Trois.
In essence, it's your decision to engage in a 3-some, just don't be mad when all hell breaks loose. In situations as such, there should be an enormous amount of conversation; honest feelings should be expressed and if you do not want to engage, then don't. Also, never do it because your partner wants to. You will automatically be hurt since you were never in agreement.

Today, I personally do not agree with Menage a Trois and if my man were to ask me to engage then I would question his loyalty to me. When two people really love each other, inviting another man/woman in your bedroom is off limits. Pretending that you can deal with the emotional aftermath is unreal. No-one really wants to see the one they love intertwining with another individual, so don't pretend. Be honest with yourself. Ask yourself a few questions; such as:
  • How am I going to feel afterward?
  • Will I trust him/her afterward?
  • Can I actually watch my man/woman engaging in sexual activities with someone else?
  • What if he/she enjoys it too much?
  • Will this affect our relationship?
  • How will this affect our relationship?
Those are simple questions to ask and again, be honest. In the end your honesty and ability to say no, or refrain from this activity may just save you some mental anguish. If he/she really loves you, they will not want you to be subjected to this behavior and they really wouldn't want to be with someone else.  So if you have a good man/woman, don't invite this world into your relationship. Don't be willing to share your man/woman, otherwise, we know what the result can be,  he/she would be more than willing to share with others.

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