someone especially a male was very difficult for me. For many years I kept a shield around me in an effort to protect myself. I was so afraid of being hurt that I never allowed anyone to get too close. Sometimes I would subconsciously push people away because in my mind they were going to hurt me or leave anyway. I was my own worst nightmare and definitely in my own way. Today I no longer have a problem trusting or letting people in. In life someone will always hurt us, however that pain isn't meant to be our demise, it is to strengthen and teach us. The ultimate goal is to forgive those who cause you pain and thereafter, trusting becomes easy.
Sexual abuse is such a horrible act and being a child your innocence is stolen. The world is no longer perceived as one would see it without the experience of sexual abuse. It can take years to define yourself as well as trust yourself. Trusting others is not the only mission to be accomplished after abuse, trusting self is definitely a difficult task to accomplish. As a victim of sexual abuse you are blamed, shamed and made to believe it's your fault. Your confidence is stolen and developing your identity has been interrupted. This leads to low self-esteem, indecisiveness, lack of self-trust and for others. You may ask yourself how?
How can you begin to trust yourself if your first encounter with another individual was betrayal? The fact that you were blamed made you doubt yourself. That feeling of "doing something wrong" made you believe you made a bad decision. But, in reality children cannot and are not capable of making a sound decision to have sex. However, your abuser programmed you to believe it was your fault and since you were a child, manipulation and brainwashing was easy. The most important factor leading to trusting others is to forgive. Forgiveness releases the pain, anger and shame and with that you regain your power. Once you regain your power, the world no longer seems unsafe. It appears to be exactly what it is, a place where everyone makes mistakes whether with intent or not. Now you can open yourself up and not worry about being hurt because you are equipped with the power to move forward.
placed upon me to be the reason I can't have a successful relationship. You should not either. Besides having a successful relationship, when we can't trust we may block blessings. Being afraid to let others in is a definite way to isolate yourself and that only leads to more misery. I encourage you to pray and ask GOD to give you faith, trust and understanding of what love really is. As long as we live someone will hurt us again, however don't be afraid of pain; embrace it as your key to the next level of strength.
In essence, if you been betrayed and have trust issues, I ask you to walk and live by faith. We can neither concern ourselves with the motives of others nor can we live in fear. The only actions you can control are yours. So start trusting, have faith and spare yourself some unnecessary mental anguish.
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