Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Learning To Trust After Sexual Abuse


Thank you for stopping by as always, my goal is to empower and transform your life. 

After experiencing sexual abuse, incest, being betrayed and deceived; trusting someone, especially a male was very difficult for me. For many years, I kept a shield around me in an effort to protect myself. I was so afraid of being hurt that I never allowed anyone to get close. Sometimes, I subconsciously pushed people away because in my mind they were going to hurt or leave me. I was my own worst nightmare and definitely in my own way. Today, I no longer have a problem trusting or letting people in. In life, someone will always hurt us, however, that pain isn't meant to be our demise, it is to strengthen and teach us. The ultimate goal is to forgive those who caused you pain and thereafter, trusting becomes easy.

Sexual abuse is such a horrible act as a child your innocence is stolen. The world is no longer perceived as one would see it without the experience of sexual abuse. It can take years to define yourself as well as trust yourself. Trusting others is not the only mission to be accomplished after abuse, trusting self also needs to be accomplished. As a victim of sexual abuse you were either blamed, shamed and made to believe it's your fault. Or you never told anyone and/or you had no idea you were even abused. When this happens, your confidence is stolen and developing your identity has been interrupted. This leads to low self-esteem, indecisiveness, lack of self-trust and trust for others. You may ask yourself how?

How can you begin to trust yourself if your first encounter with another person was betrayal? If you were blamed, that made you doubt yourself. what's more, child abuse doesn't last forever and with that being said, it ends. This leaves kids feeling like they did something wrong. That feeling of "doing something wrong" made you believe you made a bad decision. But, in reality children cannot and are not capable of making a sound decision to have sex. However, your abuser programmed you to believe it was your fault and since you were a child, manipulation and brainwashing was easy. The most important factor leading to trust others is to forgive. Forgiveness releases the pain, anger and shame and with that you regain your power. Once you regain your power, the world no longer seems unsafe. It appears to be exactly what it is, a place where everyone makes mistakes whether by intent or not. Now you can open yourself up and not worry about being hurt because you are equipped with the power to move forward.

Trust is a very important factor in a relationship and I refuse to allow my past deceptions and abuse placed upon me to be the reason I can't have a successful relationship. You should not either. Besides having a successful relationship, when we don't trust we block blessings. Being afraid to let others in is a definite way to isolate yourself and that only leads to more misery. I encourage you to pray and or meditate and ask God to give you faith, trust and understanding of what love really is. As long as we live someone will hurt us again, however, don't be afraid of pain; embrace it as your key to the next level of strength.

In essence, if you have been betrayed and have trust issues, I ask you to walk and live by faith. We can neither concern ourselves with the motives of others, nor can we live in fear. The only actions you can control are yours. So start trusting, have faith and spare yourself some unnecessary mental anguish.

I am not only a Certified Life Coach, Author and Speaker; I have conquered thirty years of abuse; including incest, rape, sexual, physical, emotional, verbal abuse, and two domestic violence relationships. Today, my vision is to empower you to reach emotional freedom while gaining clarity and discovering your infinite possibilities. 

“What happened; didn't happen to me, it happened FOR me and today my mission is to guide you to design a healthy, meaningful life through knowledge, consciousness, self-reflection, accountability, self-love and forgiveness.”

Contact me for more details.
773.419.3070
Healing the Mind, Body & Soul

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