Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Overcoming Sexual Abuse


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Overcoming sexual abuse can be very difficult without belief in God or a spiritual higher power. Anyone who has been abused is very well aware of the effects it has on your mind and the long-term effects can be devastating. Some of the emotions associated with sexual abuse are listed below, but are not limited too:

Worthlessness- To overcome this emotion one has to understand that he/she is a beautiful individual inside and out. The only reason you feel worthless is because you were violated and you were unable to stop the abuse. Well that makes you a victim, not worthless. The only worthless person involved is the abuser. Tell yourself you are a valuable person who deserves love and respect. Practice speaking love into your life and eventually you will believe it.

Guilt- This emotion is pretty simple to overcome if you understand that the reason you feel guilty is because your body liked the feeling (in certain cases) not your mind. We have no control over the feelings our bodies experience when being sexually abused. Your bod is going to react to any pleasurable stimulant. It is a normal process of the body. That's not to say you enjoyed, it only means you have no control over how your body reacts to a stimulant. Sure in the beginning, you may know something is wrong, but as time goes by a victim's body begins to appreciate the euphoric feeling, not your mind. In our mind we still know or feel something is wrong, but our body responds in a way that feels like betrayal. Not to mention, child molesters will tell you, "You liked it" since he/she knows your body is being stimulated. That is pure and calculated manipulation.

Shame: Shame is only for the abuser. You as a victim have nothing to be ashamed about. You were not able to help yourself. He/she tricked you and that my friend is what a child molester does. You did nothing wrong even if your mother or father said you were wrong; you were not a fault. Victims have no part or responsibility when being molested. You were completely innocent.

Depression: Depression sets in when all these emotions accumulate and take control of your psyche. At this point seek help and pray. Depression can get the best of us and sometimes can lead to attempting suicide if we don't seek help. There is absolutely nothing wrong with asking for help. Asking for help does not mean you fail, it means you don’t want to fail. I’ve had therapy a couple times and if I might add, it's very educational. Don't be embarrassed or ashamed if you need coaching or therapy.

Low Self-Esteem: Having low self-esteem is a direct impact from the abuse. More than likely the abuser made you feel as you deserved what he/she did to you. Often abuser use derogatory names such as, stupid, dumb, loser, etc., and hearing those words on a constant basis will make anyone believe them. I want you to look in the mirror and see the beauty that’s staring back. Speak positive word and peace into your life. Remove the negative thoughts from your mind and always know that a sick individual tried to ruin you, but you won. You are a winner.

Fear: When one has been abused, fear is experienced afterward because one is afraid the abuse will occur again. Not only that, the pain can be so overwhelming that you shield yourself and never allow anyone else in out of fear of being hurt again. Victims need to feel safe and until he/she reaches the point of freedom, he/she will be fearful of relationships or people in general. Sure you can have relationships, but more than likely they will be unhealthy or unsuccessful. Fear is our worst enemy because what you may think is, or can occur, may not at all. Not only that, fear prevents you from living your best life. Please understand that although you were violated as a child, any fear you experience, you created it. Remove the fear and replace it with faith. Once you realize that pain leads to growth, you will then see that bad experiences are not meant to be your demise.

Anger: I remember being angry at everyone, but of course I suffered from displaced anger and that is anger pointed in the wrong direction. Victims become angry after abuse as they know they have been severely mistreated by someone. Not having the power to help you causes anyone to become angry. But at the end of the crisis, one must understand that forgiveness is the key is release all negative emotions and strong-holds. Behind anger lies pain and it is time for you to release your pain and reach emotional freedom.

“What happened; didn't happen to me, it happened FOR me and today my mission is to guide you to design a healthy, meaningful life through knowledge, consciousness, self-reflection, accountability, self-love and forgiveness.”


Those are powerful emotions and if you have ever experienced any of those you know what it does to the soul. I for one have felt all and today, I no longer feel any of those emotions. In order for victims of sexual abuse to overcome these negative emotions, he/she must first understand that the abuse was not their fault. Understanding that you were a victim means understanding that the abuse was not your fault. You were a child who was manipulated for the selfish needs of a sick individual. Abusers shift the blame onto the victims via manipulation or making them feel as though they liked the abuse. So with that being said here are some tips on understanding and overcoming sexual abuse.
In essence, understanding what happened to you as well as understanding your abusers is a great way to move forward and overcome abuse. Forgiveness is the key, however in order for you to forgive one must be aware of what forgiveness is. Forgiveness is accepting what has happened, not ignoring, but simply saying I will no longer allow someone to control my emotions. Forgiveness is finding peace with the situation and freeing you. Forgiveness is a conscious decision to not be angry anymore.


I am not only a Certified Life Coach, Author and Speaker; I have conquered thirty years of abuse; including incest, rape, sexual, physical, emotional, verbal abuse, and two domestic violence relationships. Today, my vision is to empower you to reach emotional freedom while gaining clarity and discovering your infinite possibilities. 

“What happened; didn't happen to me, it happened FOR me and today my mission is to guide you to design a healthy, meaningful life through knowledge, consciousness, self-reflection, accountability, self-love and forgiveness.”

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