Forgiveness is letting go of all the pain that was placed upon you. Forgiveness is to become free of the hate, pain and resentment. Forgiveness is the start of a new beginning. What will you have gain if you seek vengeance, or remain angry and bitter? What would life be like for you? I can assure you, you would not be happy. Forgiveness is finding peace with all the negative energy that consumed you. Forgiveness is accepting, owning and appreciating your past.
Forgiveness is a need for the soul to survive as without it we live in darkness where anger, pain and rage accumulate, and annihilate our souls. We have to learn to forgive and let go of the wrong that was done unto us. It takes a strong spiritual connection to really forgive and become free.
If you cannot accomplish this, it will be difficult to move forward. You may as well be locked in the situation that caused you to live in this dark hole. Without forgiveness your mental state is jeopardized. Your mind is not free to cultivate. How can you live up to your fullest potential if you live in darkness? Darkness that was placed upon us to learn from not dwell in. We live in a world where the negative experiences are just as abundant as the positive, if not more. All are blessings. Someone is guaranteed to wrong you again. Free you, forgive yourself and forgive others. Forgiveness is a powerful tool, because it liberates the soul.
I believe to get the strength needed to forgive any source of pain; one will have to do the following.
Grieve - Be Sad/Cry
· In most cases when we are hurt by someone we try to suppress the pain. Instead of dealing with it or grieving, we place it deep in our souls hoping it will go away. The problem with that is as long as the pain is present, it will surface and new relationships will be affected. Individuals who have nothing to do with this struggle or pain will feel the wrath from it.
· Without grieving, the heart is bitter and the soul is compromised. By definition I mean, the same pain you felt while being abused or hurt is the same pain that will immediately surface. Every new person is compared to the wrongdoer instead of looking at the situation for today. A tarnished heart will always retreat to past pain. Grieving does not mean going into a depression. It means to have your days of sadness. “Release It” Don’t hold on to the pain. Every tear shed is a sign of strength and freedom to come. Have your five minutes of self-pity and keep going.
Understanding/Compassion - We all are sinners.
I know it’s difficult to have compassion or understanding for anyone who hurts you, so this is the part of forgiveness that makes it so hard to accomplish. How many times have you hurt someone? We are all human, and we all make mistakes. Whether it was intentional or inadvertent, we all err. How did you feel after you hurt someone and that person held a grudge against you? Deep in your heart you wanted that person to understand your pain and realize that you needed deliverance as well.
Acceptance- Accept that the past will never change.
The past can only be accepted and embraced. Accept that you were deeply hurt and left with scars. It will be difficult to move forward, but you can. Life is filled with wrongdoers and as long as you live; you will be hurt again. You have two choices; live or exist. If you choose wisely, life will get better. Acceptance does not mean you are okay with what happened; it means what happened will never change.
Accountability - Be responsible for your own actions.
When an adult stays in a situation that he/she knows is completely toxic, it is their responsibility to realize he or she was just as accountable as the wrongdoer. We have to see our faults, and see what we could have done better. If you know in your heart of hearts you could have made a better decision, then you are just as accountable as the wrongdoer. Don’t place blame on others when you know you could’ve done better. Placing blame denies you the opportunity to learn. That leads to repeated history. Denial leads to desolation.
Learn From It - Find Something Positive
One of the key elements of forgiveness is to learn from the pain. There is a lesson in everything we experience. It doesn’t matter how malicious or callous, there is a lesson and a blessing. To learn from hurt is to gain strength. To learn from hurt is to gain knowledge. To learn from hurt is to grow and mature. Find something positive from your experience. Did you learn something about yourself during this experience? Did it make you a better person? Learn from all experiences, good or bad; they are all blessings.
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I am not only a Certified Life Coach, Author and Speaker; I have conquered thirty years of abuse; including incest, rape, sexual, physical, emotional, verbal abuse, and two domestic violence relationships. Today, my vision is to empower you to reach emotional freedom while gaining clarity and discovering your infinite possibilities.
“What happened; didn't happen to me, it happened FOR me and today my mission is to guide you to design a healthy, meaningful life through knowledge, consciousness, self-reflection, accountability, self-love and forgiveness.”
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