Sunday, February 26, 2012

Desperately Seeking Love

Thank you for stopping by as always, my goal is to empower and transform your life.

Decades ago after I received therapy for sexual molestation and began researching child molesters, I learned the events that took place in my life were not my fault. Yet, I lacked that sense of security within myself. I was around twenty four and still confused and suffering. I desired to be loved. There was a void in my heart.

Negative emotions were all I felt, vacant and shallow, no self-love, worthless, useless, shameful, and betrayed. I was nothing, an empty casing. I still thought sex was a direction connection to love so I became notoriously promiscuous.

Four people in one day, it was like three meals and a late night snack. I will never forget this one account; I slept with one man in the morning, another in the afternoon, another in the evening and a woman at bedtime. I was mentally unstable and that was the first time I acted on those bisexual feelings in me. I had no idea what I was doing. The entire act lasted about five minutes. Sex after sex, stalking men, phone call after phone call, tear after tear, drunken stupors was my life after abuse. I was addicted to finding love while abusing myself. I had no respect for myself. I was desperately seeking love. I didn’t love myself, how could I love anyone else. How could anyone love me?

I know there are many, many women in this world who believes that having multiple sex partners is cool or acceptable, well for me, I lacked total respect for myself. Let me begin my saying my body isn't mines to begin with; it's a temple that belongs to God. So to believe for one moment that having multiple sex partners is okay, it’s not and can lead to STD's or even HIV. I can't speak for you, but, I know I also lacked self-love and self-esteem and therefore I had multiple sex partners because I was desperate for love. I thought if I had sex with a man then he would love me. I was completely wrong. The purpose of me sharing this information with you is to inspire you to love yourself and seek God's love.

The list I'm providing is one that drove me to Desperately Seek Love. Maybe things are different for you, but if you have similar stories, take a step back, reevaluate your situation, meditate and/or pray.

  • Absent Father- An absent father means a female is clueless as to what love is or feels like from a man. So she seeks out love via sex and yes the feeling is great, but it is not love. Your body and mind may become confused from the euphoric feeling and lead you to think that it is love, but sorry, for some, sex is just sex. When love is expressed from a supportive, respectful, loving father is what you should expect when SEEKING. However, one should not seek LOVE at all. It finds you when your heart is open and prepared. 
  • Abuse- Sexual, Verbal, Physical, Emotional etc. - We all know what abuse leads to low self-esteem and with that comes more abuse and confusion. This also leads to females seeking men to fix their broken spirit and while doing so she becomes promiscuous. It is not man's job to fix you. All you are going to find is sex and more pain. 
  • Present but Non-Attentive Father- A present father is great, but if he's not providing his daughter with the love she needs to become a whole woman, is he really a father? She will be left with a void in her heart and once again, seek love, and only to find sex. Most women seek men who are synonymous to their father, loving or abusive and this is familiar grounds for her. 
  • Absent Mother- Although fathers are very important in the upbringing of a female, her mother sets the foundation of how her body should be treated. If your mother is in a toxic relationship, you are not being taught love. You are being taught how to accept abuse and the results will be a feeling of "needing to be loved." So what do you do, you seek it all in the wrong places. 
  • Selfish Mother- One who is only interested in satisfying their own selfish needs and not their child's needs leads to an emotionally unstable woman whose heart is full of pain and anger. The only fix she desires is for man to love her. She has a complete disliking for her mother and lacks trust for others and self. Man is her goal, her savior, and outlet, unfortunately this is not the solution. You will experience more pain. 
  • Drug Addict Parents- Parents who are addicted to drugs are incapable of providing love to anyone. Their only goal is to get high. This is a difficult situation, because where will the female learn love? In the streets and decades will pass before she realizes it starts from within. But prior to that revelation, she will have either been abused by men or sexually promiscuous. Why? Because she is seeking the one thing we all want. Love 
  • No Sex Education- For whatever reason, sex is not a popular topic within homes today and it should be. Children, teens and women are sexing like eating a meal. The emotions and consequences should be taught at home. What is Sex? When is the appropriate time? Who should you have sex with? Why is it important to refrain? The point I'm making here is when girls are taught about sex, she will know that it is no place to find love and therefore, she will not seek it via her body. Again sex and love are two different things. They both feel wonderful, but one will leave you wet and desperate
  • No Love Education- Interesting, most people, not only women, have no idea what love is. I must say, I didn't always. I knew how to share my love, but I had no idea what it was from a man nor did I know how to receive it. Love was shown in very small amounts in my childhood and teen homes, but the abuse overshadowed it. Love and acts of love need to be discussed and exhibited in order for one to understand it. But the most important information surrounding love is; it starts from within and that is God's love, which leads me to my summary. 
  • Seek GOD'S Love- There is only one way you can find it and it is not via man or sex; Prayer, meditation, and the bible are great ways to start. Open your hearts and allow the manifested spirit to surface and feel the love of God. Have faith and believe in God. This is the love you should seek; only one, God’s love and not man's love. Once you understand self-love, you understand God’s love and will no longer seek any other love for it will find you. God's love will fulfill every desire you seek, heal every pain you experience, and lead you to a feeling no man or flesh can ever provide. How do I know, well, when I so desperately sought love from man, I never found it, I only found pain. But when I turned to God and begged and pleaded for Him to show me the way, He did and through him, my life changed.
Knowing God is not a mere intellectual knowledge of God’s love. It is the ultimate experience of experiencing love. It is as if our eyes are opened, the flood gates of our hearts are totally down, and our heart is surrounded with the very love of God. 

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I am not only a Certified Life Coach, Author and Speaker; I have conquered thirty years of abuse; including incest, rape, sexual, physical, emotional, verbal abuse, and two domestic violence relationships. Today, my vision is to empower you to reach emotional freedom while gaining clarity and discovering your infinite possibilities. 

“What happened; didn't happen to me, it happened FOR me and today my mission is to guide you to design a healthy, meaningful life through knowledge, consciousness, self-reflection, accountability, self-love and forgiveness.” 

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