Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Confessions From the Other Woman

If you are wondering what the photo to the left symbolizes, take a guess. The gentleman in the picture is telling you to keep quiet and not inform his woman/wife that you are the "other woman." Sound familiar? For many of us, yes it does, and if not, keep on living. I've played this role twice and willingly. But not all of us women are mentally stable or sound when we make decisions as such. I know for myself, I was used to secrecy after experiencing child abuse so to keep quiet was easy for me. Also not being taught to respect the sacred foundation of marriage and recognizing relationships played a huge part in me being the "Other Woman."

I will be the first to tell you, it's not a good feeling at all and if any woman out here says she doesn't have a problem being the "Other Woman," I would question her self-love. Imagine falling for a man who's already attached. Not a good imagination. All the empty promises, waiting for calls that never occur, all the holidays that pass, and the ultimate, he answers her call in front of you but ignores your call when he's with her. How can you expect anything more? He's attached. You are simply some sex, oral and no obligation. He might even grow to care for you, but really, would you want someone who cheats on his woman. He's going to cheat on you as well. You are not special. 

There's a certain type of woman who gets involved with a married or attached man. 

One who is selfish 
One who is desperate 
One who lacks self-love
One who lacks self-respect 
One who doesn't know her worth 
One who devalues marriage and the relationship as a whole 

The list goes on. Sure, he may invite you to nice places and purchase you beautiful gifts but is stepping on and in another relationship worth dinner and a gift. This man has no respect for you or his woman. The fact that you would involve yourself sexually or emotionally with a man as such doesn't say much about what you think of self. Every night he's going home to his woman and where does that leave you? Alone. I am not trying to be harsh, but this is the cold truth. Understand that you are worth waiting for or meeting that someone for you. Even if he decides to leave his woman for you, he will leave you for the next. There is no way you can start a relationship built on lies and deceit and think for one second it will be successful.

Dating an attached man is like running on a treadmill, going nowhere and getting off wet. I can tell you from experience you will get hurt numerous times and if you refuse to be authentic with yourself, the pain will continue. Looking back, when I dated the attached man, I can only conclude that my mind was as cloudy as day in the Fall. If I had to label myself, the list would've included:

Lack of Self-Respect 
Low Self-Esteem 

I know there are a lot of women that claim they prefer to date an attached or married man because they are not looking for commitment. Well, with all the men out here, why choose someone who is attached, because eventually you will become attached to an unavailable man.  Love triangles always end in disaster. No one wins. No happiness evolves from being emotionally or sexually attached to an unavailable man. The one thing I know for sure is that everybody wants someone for themselves.  Start with some soul searching and find out why you feel so unworthy that you have to impose on someone else’s relationship or marriage. Dig deep and uncover the open wounds that you have not forgiven. Dig deeper and learn how to love yourself and after that, you will know your worth and will not settle for second best. Know in your heart that you deserve better and deserve to be happy.

Any man that starts a relationship with another woman while he is involved is not worthy of your mind, body, or heart. Everyone has a journey, but this road leads to disaster. Ladies, you are queens and deserves full-time love, not part-time love. Value yourselves enough to know the difference. Love does not start or end in betrayal, but the pain does.

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I am not only a Certified Life Coach, Author and Speaker; I have conquered thirty years of abuse; including incest, rape, sexual, physical, emotional, verbal abuse, and two domestic violence relationships. Today, my vision is to empower you to reach emotional freedom while gaining clarity and discovering your infinite possibilities. 

“What happened; didn't happen to me, it happened FOR me and today my mission is to guide you to design a healthy, meaningful life through knowledge, consciousness, self-reflection, accountability, self-love and forgiveness.”

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