Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Approaching Your Child (If Abuse is Suspected)

Being a victorious leader and expert on overcoming all forms of abuse, avoiding toxic relationships and the art of forgiveness, it is my duty to inform or enlighten others where I see the necessity. As a Transformational Life and Abuse Recovery Coach, I offer my services to empower you to reach emotional freedom. My goal is also to educate parents on abuse as well as children and teenagers. There are so many parents that have no idea of how to approach their child if she suspects abuse. This is not to say that parents do not have the ability, only to say that one must be really careful as to not push their child further away. Victim of abuse are already confused, scared and angry. 

When I was abused, I was not only blamed, but I was evicted as a teen. So the approach I received was blame. Now this is not the instance in all cases, however if one does not take precaution when approaching a victim of abuse, the parent can be subjected to the following emotions or behaviors.
  • Anger 
  • Rebellion 
  • Deceit 
  • Withdrawal 
  • Emotional Breakdowns 
  • Violence

My advice to any parent who suspects that their child or teen has been abused, your first step is to gain there trust back. You may not think that the trust between you and your child has been destroyed, but that is the goal of a child molester; to make the child feel as if he or she if the only person they can trust.

To gain your child’s trust back or make them feel safe with you again, you must approach your child with understanding and compassion. More than likely, when a child/teen has been abused, she/he feels betrayed and it is difficult for the victim to trust. So parents must make the victim understand that they can be trusted and is here to help. The worst thing you can do is yell, scream or blame; this will push the child into more silence or back to the child molester.
  • Don't be alarmed if your child or teen refuses to talk. 
  • Be patient and never force them to talk. 
  • Allow the child to come to you when he/she feels comfortable. 
  • Never coach a child, for example, did someone touch your private parts or did someone make you touch their private parts. Kids tend to agree or say yes because they believe it is what you want to hear. 
  • Talk to them about some of your painful experiences. This makes anyone feel comfortable enough to trust. 
  • Offer them help, sometimes teens feel more comfortable talking to a stranger than their own parent. 
  • Ensure the child/teen that it is not their fault. 
  • Let them know that nothing will happen to them or you (the parent) after telling 
  • Most importantly, do not yell or blame. 
In essence, approaching a victim of abuse can be very challenging for not only the victim but the parent as well. Our job is to protect and ensure safety. Although victims may not feel safe anymore, you can undoubtedly help them feel safe in the world again. Just be patient, understanding and compassionate. Trying to break the walls down of a victim may take some time, but with the right tools, education and understanding, anything is possible.

I am not only a Certified Life Coach, Author and Speaker; I have conquered thirty years of abuse; including incest, rape, sexual, physical, emotional, verbal abuse, and two domestic violence relationships. Today, my vision is to empower you to reach emotional freedom while gaining clarity and discovering your infinite possibilities. 
“What happened; didn't happen to me, it happened FOR me and today my mission is to guide you to design a healthy, meaningful life through knowledge, consciousness, self-reflection, accountability, self-love and forgiveness.”
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