Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Baby Mama Drama

We are all too familiar with the quote to the left, BABY MAMA DRAMA, but is it true? Are all Baby Mama's jealous of the new woman?  Is that origination of the term? Or is it because the woman you chose to have unsafe sex with is causing you a world of drama. Well, let's discuss this issue a little bit before I share my experiences. First off, I'm not too keen on the term "Baby Mama," however some women just do not fit the bill of being called a mother. As proven, selfish deadbeat dads exist, but here I will discuss the opposite, "Baby Mama Drama."  
What causes a man to consider the mother of his child a "Baby Mama?" Allow me to give some characteristics of what a Baby Mama may exhibit.

Jealousy- For whatever reason, mom feels the need to cause drama to the new girlfriend, yet she has nothing to do with the issues the two of you are having or had, and you can't blame her. Maybe he cheated on you or left with unresolved issues, whatever the case, it gives you no right to attack the new girlfriend. Be a better person, since you deserve someone better. If he decided to move on, don't chase someone who doesn't want you. Also, keep your legs closed as the more you give up the goodies, the longer you stay emotionally connected. 

She's Bitter- If the father isn't interested in mom anymore, she will become vicious and prevent the father from seeing his child. Okay, maybe you were simply sex, and once he found out you were pregnant, he dismissed you. So, if a man treats you like that, you don't need to be with him anyway. Don't become bitter and angry, and interfere with the relationship between the father and child. You may be hurting the father now, but trust me, that child will resent you later. Move on, is he worth it?

Always Starting Arguments- Instead of behaving like a mature adult, you act belligerent and disrespectful. You lack the ability to communicate so instead of talking, you yell, cuss, and threaten. You find reasons to upset the father because you are hurting. Such as why are you late coming to get him? Not that you had anywhere to go, or, where is his/her jacket? The one he bought. I mean really, starting arguments will not change the situation, daddies gone, so stop stooping to floor level, regroup and move forward. Focus on your child and as long as he wants to be involved, allow him as a child needs their father. 

Threatens to file for Child Support (When father terminates the relationship) Now if the father was responsible for his child before the end of your relationship, what's going to stop him? You have no reason to file for child support. The sad part is some men react in the most hurtful way, and this can backfire in your face as he may decide to walk away and become a deadbeat dad and refuse involvement with the child anymore. Either way, the only person that ends of being hurt is the child. Leave well enough alone especially if he's already providing for his child. 

Uses the Child as a Pawn-When a father loves his child and the mother knows it; she will use that to her advantage. For example, you can't see your child if you don't do this, or you can't see your baby if you take her around your new girlfriend, or you can't see your child if you don't help me. That is so unfair and cruel, using a man's love for his child against him is just wrong, and you will have no luck behind that behavior. If you read my blog on Deadbeat Dads, then you will know, some men just don't care, and you do not want to force a father out of his child's life. Men give up as well when they pushed to the limit. 

Now, those are just some of the behaviors that would warrant a father to call his child's mother a Baby Mama. I'm sure if you ask a man, he could list plenty more. Those are just the few I experienced when I was the new woman. But I also learned my son's father was still sleeping with his ex. But that is another blog or book.  

Here's the thing, when a woman has a child by a man, and he decides he doesn't want to have anything else to do with her, sure that may hurt, but, there is no reason to result to bad behaviors or defaulting to what society considers to be a baby mama. Maintain your dignity and respect and carry on. There are many more men out here, and maybe he's waiting for you. Don't belittle yourself, because you do not own that man as he is free to leave when he gets ready. Your only focus should be your child, and his or her happiness and stability. Again, don't chase anyone who doesn't want to chase.

Have yourself a coke and smile. As long as he fulfills his duty as a father, everything else is irrelevant. Remember, you are worth more than gold and a good man will realize that. Your child needs the both of you so don't think your baby doesn't need his/her father. At the end, when a man cheats, betrays or disrespects you, he's not even a real man. 

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