Saturday, February 25, 2012

Dating a MAMA'S BOY is a Toxic Relationship

Where do I begin? If you are wondering whether or not you are dating a Mama's Boy then I suggest you pay attention and yes I have dated one in the past, and it wasn't an easy relationship. The relationship between a mother and son should be strong and loving, but this relationship is his demise. He loves his mother unconditionally and that is fine. However, there is a thin line between the love a man has for his woman and his mother. But, the hold a mother has on a Mama's Boy is something you don't want to experience. It's completely toxic to any relationship he will ever have. So my suggestion to you is don't look for much; just look the other way. A Mama's Boy has no idea his mother is using him as her man and refuses to let him go. There were some bad seeds planted in the very beginning of their relationship and they are long-lasting. Here are some red flags to look for if you believe you are dating a Mama's Boy.

MAMA'S BOY
Still Lives At Home With His Mama (over 25)
Did he ever move out, maybe, maybe not, but why should he, mama makes it easy for her Mama's Boy to live rent free, even if he can afford to move out on his own. There is no privacy between you two and that's all fine with a Mama's Boy since mama knows all his secrets and personal information regarding his relationship. She knows him as a Mama's Boy, and you know him as a man, but that man has no problem living in the basement of his mama's house. He is in his comfort zone. If you ask him to get his own place he will probably tell you he can't afford it, but works full time, has a nice car, all the latest gadgets and/or doesn't pay mama any rent.

Inability To Commit To A Woman or Form A Healthy Relationship
These men are incapable of committing because they are too committed to their mama. No-one comes before her and how can a man engage in a healthy relationship if his woman doesn't come before his mother. Not to mention, he doesn't trust any other woman except his mama. What’s more, he values her opinion and advice and therefore, she is in your relationship more than you are. He's more committed to his relationship with his mama and like her; he is all up in her relationship with her man.

Never Accountable For His Own Actions (BLAMES EVERYONE)
A Mama's Boy is notorious for blaming everything on everyone else. He is not taught to be accountable because his mother always comes to the rescue. He can get evicted from his place and you better believe she will remodel her home and make room for him. He can do no wrong in her eyes. He can disregard his own kids and she will never speak a word about it, why, because she wants him all to herself. He can be mandated to pay child support and she will say it's not his fault, so guess what, he doesn't understand his accountability. 

Attends Vacations, Hangs Out and Talks to Mama every day. (INSTEAD OF YOU)
Have you ever dated someone who will take a vacation with his mother, but not his woman, even if she's paying for it? How about, you all have a date and she invites herself and of course, he does not reject her. What's more, she calls and talk to him for hours like they are a couple, every day. She can call early in the morning while you all are enjoying a pleasurable moment, and he has no problem with it. He will not tell her, mama I need to call you back as you are just kicked to the side. How about, she's with her man on a date and invites him to come along, and guess what, he invites you, knowing you don't want to go, so he goes without you.

He Will Not Defend You To His Mother (EVEN IF SHE IS WRONG)
Do not expect a Mama's Boy to defend you to his mother, even if he knows she's wrong. His defense, "That's my Mamma." She is always right. Have you ever been disrespected by his Mama and he had nothing to say? Have you ever attempted to express your thoughts about his mama and you were cut like a slice a cheese? Has he ever told you or indirectly said, "No woman will ever disrespect my mother, because I will leave her, that's my mama." Mama's can do no wrong in a Mama's Boys' eyes. 

He's Always Quoting his Mother or Comparing You to Her
He says mama cooks like this or dresses like that. Mama said this or that. Almost every day you hear what his mama "Always" told him. He compares your actions to his mama's actions. He compares your likes to his mama's likes. Or he's telling you what mama told him when he was younger about women. Mama should not be the topic of a couples everyday discussion, you should. 

He Will Ditch You in a Heartbeat
You're out on a date and she calls, she needs her stove moved. Bye Bye to you, mama called. You are making love, mama calls, as soon as you are done, he's out of there and you find out later, she needed to go to the store, but she can drive. Mama calls to say, she needs to go to her routine Dr.'s appointment, but her man is with her; he leaves you and runs to her. 

He Can't Get Enough of Her, (Her photos are everywhere)
You ever come to your home where you and your man reside and there is a poster size photo of his mama on your wall, and he snaps if you attempt to take it down. If you do remove the photo, she will re-post it on the wall. Does she drop in on you all without calling, and uses the spare key, without knocking? If you all are sitting on the couch watching a movie, she presents herself in a manner to join you all and he moves over and allows her to sit between you two. He can't get enough of his mama.

In essence if you see any of the listed bullets in your relationship, run, get out as fast as you can, because that relationship will stay in the basement of his Mama's house. He is incapable of providing a solid relationship with any woman. Mama has such a stronghold on him there is nothing you can do. You have three choices,

1. Attempt to compete with his mama, and look like a complete fool.
2. Stay and be miserable
3. Run & save yourself.

I stayed as long as I could. The straw that broke the camel's back in my Mama's Boy relationship was when his mama hit our three year old son in the face and left a scratch and he did and said nothing. I knew then if he wasn't willing to defend or protect his own flesh and blood there was nothing I wanted from him at all; dismissed.

Now, what's sad is mama is fully aware of her actions and will stop at nothing to keep him to herself and away from you. That was her goal from the beginning, when she told her son, "do not trust and woman accept me." The cord was cut at birth and in relationships like this, the cord is never cut. The sad part is, men as such will be severely hurt and lost when Mama goes home. She is not only his demise on earth but she will be his demise when she is long gone. Oh and by the way, Mama keeps her man, while he jumps from woman to woman.

Let's face it guys, mama isn't concerned with your well-being because if she was, she would encourage you to find and get involved in a healthy relationship with a woman. She would encourage you to be independent and self-sufficient. She would mind her own business. She would not bother you when you are with your woman unless it's an emergency and she surely wouldn't have an all access pass to your place. Wake up fellas; you are a Mama's Boy without any direction. I feel sorry for you. Your mother is only concerned with you moving her stove, fixing her dryer, and taking her shopping all the while, she enjoys precious time with her man.
Ladies again....give up and move on. He's not even worth it. He has years of growing up to do. Unless you like being upset and miserable; run.
If you require additional assistance and/or find yourself in a compromising relationships, visit my website and register for one of my Transformational Coaching Programs.

I am not only a Certified Life Coach, Author and Speaker; I have conquered thirty years of abuse; including incest, rape, sexual, physical, emotional, verbal abuse, and two domestic violence relationships. Today, my vision is to empower you to reach emotional freedom while gaining clarity and discovering your infinite possibilities. 
“What happened; didn't happen to me, it happened FOR me and today my mission is to guide you to design a healthy, meaningful life through knowledge, consciousness, self-reflection, accountability, self-love and forgiveness.” 

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